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  • a year to pay attention | Kalilily Time
    really start paying attention Creativity emerges from paying attention Problem solving requires paying attention Connections thrive on paying attention Until the middle of November my mother s fatal dementia by necessity was the focus of my attention for the past decade It feels strange in a way not to feel that pull any more to have no excuse for not paying attention Writing well depends upon paying attention And so I begin here tomorrow participating in a month long project A River of Stones A small stone is a polished moment of paying proper attention and the challenge of the project is to write a small stone every day I will start tomorrow One small stone And stone upon stone I will try to set a solid path out of the stress and sorrow of the last decade and into a more focused future I was starting to feel guilty about not posting frequently enough on this blog Then I read what my son wrote on Twitter about his blog I write for me and then stop writing for me Anyone who reads in the meantime Cool This entry was posted in art creativity dementia depression family getting older loss

    Original URL path: http://www.kalilily.net/2010/12/31/a-year-to-pay-attention/ (2016-04-27)
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  • River Of Stones | Kalilily Time
    poetry for something to submit The cake is overdone Much of my poetry is as well Posted in aros food poetry River of Stones river stone 1 18 11 Posted on January 18 2011 by Elaine From a small mound of snow emerges the head of a squirrel who seems to take a breath and then disappear Above the mound hangs what s left of a bird feeder that the squirrel had demolished before the snows Up and down he pops and plops delighting in the fact that the birds can t get at his stash Posted in animals and pets aros River of Stones writing river stone 1 17 11 Posted on January 17 2011 by Elaine Watching Kathy Bates in Harry s Law Gray hair a few extra pounds well dressed feisty and female It s about time Posted in aging aros culture River of Stones television river stone 1 16 11 Posted on January 16 2011 by Elaine went out to romp in the snow unfortunately my age came with me Posted in aging aros family fun health personal idiocies River of Stones river stone 1 15 11 Posted on January 15 2011 by Elaine When I took geometry in high school I never thought I d have any reason to remember the Pythagorean Therum or Algebra More than 50 years later I m learning to do modular knitting and I have to figure out how many stitches to pick up along the hypotenuse of a knitted right triangle But these days even if I don t know Google knows Posted in aros education getting older knitting River of Stones technology Post navigation Older posts The writing in this weblog is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution NoDerivatives 4 0 International License April 2016 S M T

    Original URL path: http://www.kalilily.net/category/river-of-stones/ (2016-04-27)
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  • the chalice of pain | Kalilily Time
    watch the program at the above link Also of great insight are the comments left by viewers From What happens when elderly people die fewer than one in five people can have a peaceful end since dying is a messy business for which relatives are unprepared He continues Too often patients and their families cherish expectations that cannot be met with the result that death is made all the more difficult by frustration and disappointment with a medical community that may be able to do no better Relatives who expect aware deaths may become angry and turn their anger onto doctors and nurses when death takes other forms Dying people often need psychosocial support but the potential for introducing this occurs only when the dying phase is identified This is not always possible in trajectories 2 and 3 2 long term disability with periodic exacerbations and unpredictable timing of death that characterize dying with chronic organ or system failures some cancers that respond to treatment and then relapse come into this category 3 self care deficits and a slowly dwindling course to death from dementia After watching the Frontline program and hearing how the doctors explain the options to the families of dying patients it seems to me that there needs to be more honesty from the medical profession about the dying process its inevitability and the benefits to the dying of making those patients as pain free as possible Maybe because I grew up above a funeral parlor operated by my father a funeral director maybe because I sat at my father s bedside while it took days for him to die of cancer his mind was alert and he chose to die at home with a certain amount of pain maybe because I survived the excruciating pain of a breech birth and thought I had died and now I m not afraid to die I feel strongly that when death is close at hand it should be welcomed as a relief from pain and that pain for example of old organs failing of agitated dementia should be aided by pain relief medication On my bookshelf is Final Exit which I bought a long time ago out of curiosity about peaceful self deliverance when my time comes especially if that time comes riddled with pain But it becomes a lot more complicated if a form of dementia has stolen my ability to communicate my pain and my wishes My daughter knows that I d rather die in peace than die in pain In the story of the Garden of Olives even Jesus pleaded for the chalice of pain to be taken from him No one wants pain although we often are willing to bear with a certain amount of it if it s going to get better But the pain of dying does not get better Somehow we need to be educated about that fact so that we hold the best pain free interests of our dying relatives in

    Original URL path: http://www.kalilily.net/2010/11/26/the-chalice-of-pain/ (2016-04-27)
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  • Remembering Bronislawa | Kalilily Time
    when they got engaged She also was a great social dancer and of course loved to polka For many years she danced in a local Polish dance troupe That s her on the left and one of her best friends who is still alive and who attended her funeral Even toward the end of her life when she pretty much stopped speaking and walking my mom would follow my lead in the fox trot and waltz if I held her close to me She loved music Loved to dance She also liked to sew When I was a child before every Christmas all of my dolls would disappear for a day or two and then show up on Christmas Day all decked out in new dresses that my mother made for them She liked her clothes to fit well and she was always sewing them in letting them out hemming and correcting I have that same tendency She taught me to knit crochet and embroider although she never really spent much time doing those things Mostly she was the full time wife and mother and much loved member of a group of Polish American women who played Canasta once a week and socialized family style other times I lost count of the visitors at her wake who said to me She was a real lady Proper behavior and stylish clothes were important and she bought the most fashionable shoes which for many years had very pointy toes She liked pumps and bought them narrow so that they would stay on her feet Her toes suffered for that vanity and when she got older it was hard to find shoes that were comfortable She chose the suit and blouse that she wanted to be buried in more than a decade before

    Original URL path: http://www.kalilily.net/2010/11/22/remembering-bronislawa/ (2016-04-27)
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  • Friends | Kalilily Time - Part 2
    past Delilah somehow manages to make the most of the present You won t soon forget her Posted in books creativity family friends little altars everywhere Posted on December 14 2009 by Elaine Yes I know that s the name of a book by the Ya Ya writer Rebecca Wells But in this case I m referring to this slide show of altars that people submitted to a request for What s on Your Shelf from the blog on Killing the Buddha I m not sure how I found that site probably just surfing around looking for something to think about care about Not that there isn t plenty out there homeless bankruptcy greed war fraud despair Oh yes plenty to think about and care about Too much as a matter of fact Too much for my tired brain tired heart If You Meet the Buddha on the Road Kill Him is one of my favorite non fiction books Maybe by only favorite non fiction book So it s not surprising that when I ran across the Killing the Buddha website I was intrigued I used to have an altar of sorts that s when I had room for a surface to put it on Now I have a wall that includes a witch s broom my old power stick a quilted shield especially designed and constructed for me by my good quilter friend my new walking stick Acuaba and a photoshopped picture of witches at tea using the faces of my women friends As powerful and meaningful as any shelved altar I would think My shelves themselves are stacked with books craft patterns and assorted other things of significance For example You might notice the Tarot deck the icons the empty box from my 3G iphone a mini cast iron cauldron What you don t see in the shelves below are my collections of beads and jewelry findings that I m trying to find time to play with work on As I hurry along to get ready for Christmas yes I do still call it Christmas why not I think about the cocoon in which I have wrapped myself during this time of world wide insanity to escape from the fundamentalists the radical atheists the war mongers and warring sufferers indeed the sufferers of all kinds I surround myself with resident family and Bully Hill Seasons wine and Chocolate Mint kisses with quilting dreams and knitting crafts with escapist suspense novels on ipod and paper with the snores of my old and much loved cat I wish there were indeed little altars everywhere like mine eclectic and inclusive and affirming I wish there were an altar somewhere on which if could feel prayers for my suffering mother would be answered Posted in books crafts creativity friends myth and magic non belief nostalgia personal idocies politics religion writing Happy Birthday Millie at 84 Posted on August 18 2009 by Elaine If you re an elderblogger then you probably know Millie Garfield of My Mom s Blog Thoroughly Modern Millie is celebrating her 84th birthday by going to the theater to see Jersey Boys We ve been joining to celebrate Millie s birthday online for the past four years She became a celebrity among us when her son posted a series of very funny videos in which she starred You can find them here Go there an have a laugh compliments of Millie and go to her blog and wish her a happy birthday Posted in blogging friends getting older ha ha other person s words Posted on May 28 2009 by Elaine I am struck tonight by the power of other persons words Oh I know this web is a world of words I spend too many hours meandering among miles of words that escape my head and ignore my heart Ronni Bennett s Time Goes By is the one blog I read every day because what she has to say always has relevance for me And so I don t know how I managed NOT to read an incredibly moving section of her blog until tonight And it is a section that has deep meaning for me because it s about her time being her dying mother s caregiver A Mother s Last Best Lesson is presented in 12 poignantly honest pieces that hold the mind and touch the heart It s not that I identify with Ronni s experience my attempts to take care of my mother have been very different But she tells a powerful story and there is something in me that is jarred by her revealing words There is something in me that resents not being able to do for my mother what Ronni did for hers Oh yes our circumstances are very different Dementia makes it so As does in my case situations of brutal familial disputes over how my mother s care should be handled I couldn t win so I abdicated because I have no legal power to make her struggle any easier and I couldn t bear to just stand by Ronni s story made me realize that after 8 years of caregiving being the intense focal point of my existence I now find I don t have a point a purpose I can get up in the morning or not I can eat or not Bathe or not Go out or not I am finally retired from employment and living with a loving family and an almost 7 year old engaging grandson who is a joy But I have forgotten how to be engaged in my own so called life I am feeling like a work in progress that has had no progress for 8 years In my past life I raised a family held various challenging and rewarding jobs was an vocal activist on behalf of various political and educational issues and found power in the poetry of women s spirituality And I wrote And I wrote I was

    Original URL path: http://www.kalilily.net/category/friends/page/2/ (2016-04-27)
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  • NaPoWriMo #4 | Kalilily Time
    that would grow old even more slowly than I I would take my time sleep in my little SUV if necessary charge my laptop as I drive stop where hot spots showed strongest keep my story going to no end That time had come And gone And I no longer dream of long distance running taking that last flight from anonymity Instead I wander garden hot spots searching for the

    Original URL path: http://www.kalilily.net/2013/04/04/napowrimo-4/ (2016-04-27)
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  • NaPoWriMo | Kalilily Time
    last flight from anonymity Instead I wander garden hot spots searching for the solitude to rock instead of run to stop in time and contemplate the passing of Roger Ebert who was 70 Posted in aging blogging dreams friends NaProWriMo poetry Tagged NaPoWriMo The writing in this weblog is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution NoDerivatives 4 0 International License April 2016 S M T W T F S Feb 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Blogging continuously since November 25 2001 Where it all began Kalilily Time on Blogger Subscribe to Blog via Email Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email Email Address Categories Categories Select Category aging 119 animals and pets 45 aros 27 art 21 bitching 47 blogging 55 books 42 caregiving 79 catastrophes 10 clothes 12 conspiracy theories 18 contests 4 crafts 29 creations 15 creativity 133 crochet 15 culture 137 dance 14 death and dying 57 death and dyring 1 dementia 50 depression 32 dreams 18 economy 56 education 51 elder

    Original URL path: http://www.kalilily.net/tag/napowrimo/ (2016-04-27)
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  • maybe old friends are still the best friends | Kalilily Time
    whom I d like to hang out So that s just another reason to love the Internet where I am able to track down folks even if they have a very low cyber profile We are all elders now retired and involved in both the tribulations and the pleasures of being where and when we are now And most find it fun to reconnect at this point each sharing the stories of our past 30 years as well as sharing again memories of younger and more vitally engaging times This is a time for opening memories OK I ve got to face it I m ready for the rocking chair well really I m ready for Spring and the awning shaded yard swing where I like to laze away the days reading knitting and often dozing And catching up with old friends via my iPhone This entry was posted in aging friends nostalgia by Elaine Bookmark the permalink 3 thoughts on maybe old friends are still the best friends fran on March 30 2013 at 5 58 pm said We are thinking about you too Gotta do this 1 on 1 I don t do facebook or keep up on

    Original URL path: http://www.kalilily.net/2013/03/21/maybe-old-friends-are-still-the-best-friends/ (2016-04-27)
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